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29 May 2008 @ 11:59 pm
When will the cute boy ever like me?
16 May 2008 @ 02:24 pm
So some kid who went to SLHS just sent me a message on myspace telling me that he liked me a lot in high school.

Oh life.
05 May 2008 @ 03:37 am
Freaking out.

I'm freaking tired. It's 3:38am and I want to go to bed. Today has been so stressful. I accidentally slept in till 2pm, and I had a ton of work to do. I had a performance tonight, a 15 minute presentation to prepare in French explaining a French poem, a 3 page paper answering some of life's "big questions", and a 5 page paper on a book that I had to finish reading. I am ready for my presentation, finished the three page paper, and finished reading the book, but now I am stuck. I'm supposed to discuss the major themes of the book, but I don't know what they are!!! I read the whole freaking book, but it was so poorly written that I could explain what it was trying to say if my life depended on it. Now I have to finish this review in the next 4 hours, and it's worth 20% of my freaking grade. And I can't do it.
30 April 2008 @ 11:33 pm
Bored out of my freaking mind.

I feel like crap.

So first of all, starting to have feelings for a friend of mine, who happens to be taken. I don't get it. I mean, I'm starting to get these strange thoughts that he could be the "one", which is ridiculous, but they keep on creeping up in my mind. So why now? Why someone who's taken? What am I supposed to do? Just deny all these feelings that are taking hold out of nowhere?

AND THEN crap with a friend. So we kinda kissed once, and that made things a little weird, but I don't like him, and my frustration/abandonment issues have nothing to do with that. I'm just tired of being blown off. So we randomly started hanging out more before the kissing episode, and I saw the potential for one of those "omg, you GET me" epic friendships that last lifetimes, and I thought that was what he saw too. But I am sick and tired of trying to find times to hang out FOR OVER A MONTH NOW, and then when the scheduled time comes, just being completely ignored. He doesn't answer texts or anything. I'm sick of having the anticipation of having hang out time just to be dismissed without an explanation. And I know that he is busy. Believe me, I get it. I know how it is not having any time to breathe, but I am so willing to sacrifice a little of my time for this friendship before it is too late, and he graduates and I go off to Paris and we don't have the chance to get to build this friendship. And I am so sick of putting so much effort into wanting this friendship, and getting absolutely nothing in return. I thought that a friendship with me actually had some value to him, but I guess I've just been delusional. Which makes me feel absolutely worthless. AND I FUCKING JUST WANT TO HATE HIM.
04 April 2008 @ 02:09 am
Well, 3 for 3. I got accepted into all of the study abroad programs I applied to (ISEP in Provence, Sweet Briar Junior Year in France, and the London School of Economics General Course). It's nice to hear from London, though I've already accepted Sweet Briar.

It's a nice change to have work finally pay off and get accepted to things.

Well, back to another all nighter of hard work
24 February 2008 @ 09:12 pm
So I almost fell asleep last night on a couch cuddled between two of my close guy friends.

I want another cuddle orgy.
11 February 2008 @ 11:29 pm
So I just finished reading "I Capture the Castle" again, which always puts me in a writing mood.


I wish that I was able to put my feelings down into words more eloquently.

The end of that book just kills me. If you've read it, you must know what I mean.

I know that I get silly about men and love and romance and the whole thing, and that I'll obsess over some guy, and then forget about him in a week, and all that

But I honestly worry that I will never fall in love.

Well, that's not exactly true. I have fallen in love before, once.

But I mean, the kind of love which can last a lifetime. Freaking Valentine's Day. Will I ever meet that one? I'm beginning to worry that I never will, which kills me because I NEED TO LOVE SOMEONE. If there is one thing about me that I am certain of, it is that I NEED to be loved, and I NEED someone to love back.

I know this sounds histrionic, but Damn it.
I feel cold.
28 January 2008 @ 08:12 am
Yay! Snow Day!
22 January 2008 @ 05:01 pm


ETA: This was at the bottom of his Wikipedia article

"Loving Father. Great Actor. Gay Cowboy."

I'm going to cry.
09 December 2007 @ 11:19 pm
I had a serious 50's housewife moment today.I was doing my sister's laundry, and for a moment I thought.

"Someday, I'll have my own washer and dryer."

And I felt it poignantly.

Sometimes I scare myself